What's Going On??

Well, I knew this was coming, but it's still scary stuff. Our baby is high risk, because of mine AND Alan's ages, so we have to have testing done to check for Down's Syndrome and other nasty little things that could happen. So bloodwork is done, and waiting is done, not without a ton of anxiety and worry. This is all done in the beginning of October.
A few weeks later, I get a call and I am talking to the counselor at Phoenix Perinatal, who proceeds to tell me that my screening came back high for Trisomy 18 and 13. What the hell is that you ask? That's exactly what I was thinking at the time. But all I could think was, something was going to be wrong with my baby, and I didn't know if I could handle something like that. I had never thought of having a child with disabilities of any kind, as I'm sure many people don't ever envision themselves with.
So I get off the phone with him and immediately Google these two things. If you're interested in reading about Trisomy 18, check out this link, www.chromosome18.org, and click on the conditions column. There are different forms of this disease, but they're pretty much all the same, as well as the Trisomy 13. Anyway, as I'm reading through this website, my heart is sinking lower and lower and lower and I push my laptop away from me and I just start sobbing, uncontrollably sobbing. I can't stop, I don't want to stop, I have to let it all out. My heart is racing, my nose is running, my chest is heaving and I can barely breathe, I don't care, I'm scared. No one is home with me, I'm all alone and I'm scared, but there's nothing I can do for my baby if they have this. It's not something that has been inherited by either parent, it's just something that happens during the formation of the embryo. There's no cure for it, and it's something that will affect the baby, and us, for the rest of our lives. I have to tell Alan, but I don't want to put a damper on his excitement for this baby, he's wanted this for so long and now this?? But I can't contain myself. I cry some more and then slowly start to recover from this horrible shock. Of course, all sorts of things are racing through my mind, like, what kind of mother will I be to a child like this, will I be able to love and care for my child if something is wrong with it, should I get rid of it, what will people think when they see my baby, will they think I did something wrong to make my baby be like this, what will my family think, how will my children react, how will my husband feel, why is God doing this???? And on, and on and on.
So I finally call Alan and give him the news, he doesn't really say much, but I know he knows it's pretty serious. I get off the phone and talk to God. That's all I can really do. I don't know what else TO do. I know in my heart that God wouldn't give us a baby with disabilities, He knows how much this means to Alan and to me, I know He wouldn't do this, God doesn't do this!!!! Our God is an all loving God and He loves me and Alan and WANTS us to have a beautiful, healthy baby girl, I KNOW IT, I HAVE FAITH IN HIM!!!! I don't believe in my heart anymore that my baby is going to be unhealthy, I have put all of my faith in God, all of it, every ounce that I've got. And with that . . . . . . there is Peace within me, once again, and I can move forward. All I can do is give all the Glory to Him. Thank you Lord for the Peace you instill in me, thank you for loving me, thank you for the beautiful, healthy baby that is growing in my belly, Thank You!!!