Well, I've had a few times that I've had to go to the hospital, because I thought it was 'time.' Unfortunately, three times they've told me I could go home. On the last time (Tuesday, May 11th), they actually said something WAS happening and had me walk the halls (in the beautiful hospital gown, no less) for an hour to see if I'd dialate anymore, but I didn't, she's just not coming. What the heck babygirl, what are you waiting for? I'm ready.
As the articles on the internet say, 'you won't be pregnant forever, the baby will come when it's ready.'
I know something is happening and it's going to happen really soon, I can feel it, my body can feel it.
I'm just praying that God tells me when I should go to the hospital. I don't want to wait too long and have to have my baby at home, that's my ultimate nightmare, because I don't think we would know what to do and I wouldn't want anything to happen to my little baby girl.
I'm sure He will let me know when it's time.
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
My Pregnancy.....
Well, this pregnancy has been one of ups and downs. It has certainly been different than the other three, that's for sure. My other three babies have all come at 36 weeks, this one has not. Well, my OB has had me go to the hospital twice a week to have these "non-stress tests" done, to see how baby's heart rate is doing and to see if she's 'sounding', also, once-a-week ultrasound tests to see how much amniotic fluid the baby has around her.
Of course early-on, I had a scare and thought she was gonna come early, and now that we want her to come, since we've now reached 36 weeks, she doesn't wanna come out. She's biding her time. Every time I go to do the NSTs, I'm hoping that they say, "okay, it's time to admit you, today's the day!!!" But not so far.
Of course early-on, I had a scare and thought she was gonna come early, and now that we want her to come, since we've now reached 36 weeks, she doesn't wanna come out. She's biding her time. Every time I go to do the NSTs, I'm hoping that they say, "okay, it's time to admit you, today's the day!!!" But not so far.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
My Beautiful Baby Boy Odysseus
It was 11 years ago today, that I was first introduced (formally and in-person) to a really amazing little boy. I remember the day I went to the hospital to have him, of course, everything had been pre-planned and I knew he was coming that day, even though he really shouldn't have been here until March 17th. My little body just couldn't take being pregnant anymore and, not surprising, Odysseus couldn't wait to come into the world and start making himself known.
I was not alone in this whole process, but a lot of the time, unfortunately, I felt alone. But this day I was not alone (physically), but I'll write this from my perspective, not OURS.
This delivery was the easiest I have ever had, thanks in large part to the epidural I got. I had never had one before, and Hallelujah, Praise God for medicine!!! It was the best!!! After I got the epidural, I felt no pain. I literally was sitting there talking with and watching TV with OD's dad. The doctor kept coming in and checking to see how dialated I was, and finally the time came when I could start pushing and helping this little booger to come out. I wanted to see him, and meet him and see what was in store for me. It didn't feel like I pushed too long, but who really knows, as I wasn't watching the clock much at this time. But really and truly, I felt like I was only pushing maybe 5 or 6 times.
He finally pops out of me and the doctors check him out and give him to me, and he has this little swollen little face, but his head looks perfectly round, not all funny and cone-ish, thank goodness. Come to think of it, none of my kids had cone-heads. I think, because I pushed them out pretty quickly and they didn't have to sit in the birth canal for any length of time. Anyway, I held you, little Odysseus, in my arms and I was so happy to see you. I offered OD to his dad, for the daddy to finally hold his little baby, but he refused. I was stunned!! WTH??? I didn't understand, and to this day, I still don't understand why he refused. Not only did he refuse that day, but for the next 2 days. Unbelievable. I guess I shouldn't have been shocked.
Anyway, my baby boy has been with me for 11 years and it's 11 years that I am truly grateful for. I'm so glad that I get to be with him and he with me, every single day. OD has been a joy in my life, and one that is so deeply imbedded in my soul, as are all my kids.
I look back at all the precious moments I've had with this beautiful creature, I laugh at the funny things he's done, marvel at his intelligence, his ability to remember and memorize the smallest of details, and I am eager to see how far he goes with his baseball talent. I have so much to look forward to with this baby boy.
I remember back when he was 4 years old, and he used to love that AC/DC song, "TNT," I remember he would play his 'air guitar' and pretend to sing it, and play the guitar, I'll never forget that. I remember when he was Winnie the Pooh for Halloween, that was such a cute costume. I remember when I first enrolled him in baseball and how much he didn't want to do it, now it's all he wants to do. I remember his first day of Kindergarten, he was okay, and didn't cry, he was a big boy and was actually eager to be with other kids, that's where he met his BFF Kobe, and to this day, they're still friends, even though we moved away 2 years ago. I've made great efforts to keep them in contact and they're always happy to see each other.
Now my son is changing and morphing before my eyes, and becoming an adolescent. He's noticing girls and even women now, he makes remarks of boobs and legs and, "she's hot!!" and how "he's gotten his puberty," as he calls it, grown-up things like that. All the while, I'm yelling in my head, "No!!! It's too soon--isn't it?? Why can't he just like baseball (only) for a little while longer?" But I guess time marches on. My little boy is noticing girls, and getting bigger and his body is changing, and there's nothing I can do about that. I guess this is the next chapter in our wonderful book together. It's both scary and exciting at the same time, because when your son is little, you wonder what he's gonna be like when gets older. Well, mine is getting older and I know what he's like already (somewhat). Time will reveal what this boy will become, and what type of man he'll be. Alan and I try very hard, each and every day to instill values and morals in our "little man," and I hope he takes those lessons and uses them and becomes a wonderful boyfriend/husband for someone someday.
But for now, he's still my little 11 year old boy, and I'm still cherishing that everyday. I love that he still wants to be close to me, he still wants to cuddle with me on the couch and in my bed, he still wants me to tuck him in bed every night--we say our prayers and we talk about Jesus and other things, and we hug and kiss, and give each other crosses on our foreheads, this is our nightly ritual and I'll cherish it now and forever, even though I know it won't last forever.
I love you my little OD---which, by the way, is a nickname his momma gave him :)
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Baby Weight??
Well, I am officially the heaviest I have EVER been in my life!!! Thanks in part to my little pnut, and partly because I was already 17 pounds heavier than I had been prior to being pregnant. Ugh, it's not pretty. I feel even worse because I'm not supposed to be doing anything strenuous. I haven't even been able to do the pregnancy yoga videos I bought, what a waste!! I'm supposed to be careful with myself, not do too much walking around, not standing for too long, so of course, that means, no working out. (In case you don't know, I was having contractions at about 25 weeks, waaaaay too early for my babygirl.)
I'm usually a pretty active person, I like going to the gym, riding my bike, doing my ChalenExtreme DVDs, lifting weights, jumping rope, running on my treadmill, etc. Now I can't do ANYTHING. My husband, of course, thinks I look great, and loves me any way that I am.
I know, I know, I should be concentrating on what my body is doing, and what it's partaking in, but it's hard, when you're on the scale staring at the numbers as they climb higher and higher and they stop at 150.2!!!!!! WTH??? I have to look around and look to see if anyone has their leg on the scale and is pushing down on it, to make the numbers climb higher and higher. Of course, there's not, it's only little 'ol me. Or, not-so-little-'ol me. Bleah!!!! Oh well. Oh wait! There's more....I was on the Babycenter website and I'm reading "what happens to your body--Week 29," and it says, "congratulations, you are now entering your third trimester, your body should be gaining 11 pounds in the next few months." What??? More weight?? Geez, I'm gonna be close to 200 pounds (hopefully not, if I watch what I eat, and try to eat healthy.) But man oh man, I'm gonna have lots of work to do when I'm done here. Whew!!!
Oh well, once little Christina is with me, I hopefully won't care so much. She'll be with me while I'm working out downstairs or outside on my treadmill. She'll probably be wondering, "what the heck is my mom running from??" ha ha
I'm usually a pretty active person, I like going to the gym, riding my bike, doing my ChalenExtreme DVDs, lifting weights, jumping rope, running on my treadmill, etc. Now I can't do ANYTHING. My husband, of course, thinks I look great, and loves me any way that I am.
I know, I know, I should be concentrating on what my body is doing, and what it's partaking in, but it's hard, when you're on the scale staring at the numbers as they climb higher and higher and they stop at 150.2!!!!!! WTH??? I have to look around and look to see if anyone has their leg on the scale and is pushing down on it, to make the numbers climb higher and higher. Of course, there's not, it's only little 'ol me. Or, not-so-little-'ol me. Bleah!!!! Oh well. Oh wait! There's more....I was on the Babycenter website and I'm reading "what happens to your body--Week 29," and it says, "congratulations, you are now entering your third trimester, your body should be gaining 11 pounds in the next few months." What??? More weight?? Geez, I'm gonna be close to 200 pounds (hopefully not, if I watch what I eat, and try to eat healthy.) But man oh man, I'm gonna have lots of work to do when I'm done here. Whew!!!
Oh well, once little Christina is with me, I hopefully won't care so much. She'll be with me while I'm working out downstairs or outside on my treadmill. She'll probably be wondering, "what the heck is my mom running from??" ha ha
My Amazing Husband
Well, I just have to shout to the world, I HAVE AN AMAZING HUSBAND!!! I am truly blessed to have him in my life and in my kids lives. I didn't always feel that way, and I've been down some paths in my life where I questioned what I was doing. But, I really and truly believe in my heart and soul that God knows what we need in our lives, He wants the best for us, and He loves us--I know He loves me and cares deeply for me. I know this because He knew exactly what I needed in a partner. There were certain criteria I had in my mindset, and God gave all of those attributes to me in Alan. I fought against Alan for so long, because he didn't come in the "package" I wanted him to come in. But I was truly stupid and narrowminded and my heart was closed off to anything else, except my "ideal," even though my "ideal" happened to come in a nice little package, but was a complete jerk to me and cared nothing of my happiness and wellbeing.
It took me a few years to really realize what I had, thank God Alan didn't give up on me, I'm sure I wasn't easy to deal with back then, fighting against him, even though he loved me for me and wanted only to love me, and for me to love him. That's all he wanted, and I couldn't even do that. I feel so bad at times for mistreating him, I wish I could take back all the hurt and pain I caused him, but I can't. I've apologized many times, and all I can do is hope that he truly has forgiven me. He says he has and I think he really means it.
I really wanted my marriage to work, I wanted to love Alan, but for some reason, it wasn't happening on my own. I didn't know what to do, other than to pray and to ask God for forgiveness. Forgiveness for mistreating this beautiful man, for wanting to put him aside for someone else. How could I be so stupid??? So I prayed and prayed and prayed and truly dug deep inside of me and poured my heart and soul out to God and asked him to help me, help me to love Alan, to desire him, to give him the respect, love, admiration and adoration that he deserved. I prayed for a few months, and then it started happening without me even really realizing it. I started to "see" Alan in a whole new light, I loved him more than ever, I wanted to be close to him more than ever, I wanted to stroke his hair, and reach out and touch him to show him I loved him, I told him I loved him (for no reasons many times), I wanted to make love to my husband to show him I desired him. I can't attribute ANY of those things to anyone but God. God showed me how wonderful Alan is, he put a fire in me to love Alan, he opened my eyes, really and truly opened my eyes--and I see Alan the way God sees him, not the way people (me included) saw him. He was, and is beautiful to me just as he is. I can't imagine my life without him!!!
The last time Alan and I had a real big fight, was because of me (this was when I first started feeling these things I had been feeling--the good things that I've been talking about). I said some things to him (of course there was alcohol involved), I said some things I wish I hadn't. But in the morning, I realized what I had done and I cried and cried and I told him I hadn't meant any of those things, but of course, I'm sure he was probably thinking, "yeah right, I've heard that before." I felt so bad, but once you say something, (drunk or sober) you can't take it back unfortunately, and that hurt is there, and it was all over his face, and I couldn't take it back. I told him I loved him very much and that I was sorry I had said those things, that I hadn't meant any of it (I'm not very nice when I've been drinking--and I hate that about myself). I told him that God had come into my heart and I KNEW that God was with me, that He was helping me to love him and I KNEW that God was going to give us a baby because he loved us both that much. I'm sure he thought I was crazy, and I'm sure he didn't believe a word I was saying, but I knew in my heart, that's what God's plan was going to be for us. And months and months later, it did happen, just as I told him. I knew that God was working in my heart and I knew that this baby would be a sign from Him, showing Alan and I that He was there for us, and that He was working in me, and in our marriage. It was a sign to me that this was where I was supposed to be. I haven't been that horrible wife that I used to be, thank you Lord!!! I have so much love in my heart for my husband and I feel like we're at a whole different level in our marriage, I feel like we're a team and nothing can come between us. I'm there for him, and he's there for me, no matter what. That's what it should be, it's him and I against the world, working for the betterment of our kids and our family.
Alan told me a long time ago that God brought us together, and I would always dismiss him when he said that, but I truly believe He did do this on purpose, this was His plan from the beginning and I know I've been truly blessed and God really does have us in the palms of His hands. Nothing will ever make me believe any differently.
We are now onto a new chapter of our lives thanks to God. We have a new little baby girl on the way, and all along the way I've had faith that everything was going to be fine with her, even though we had some not-so-good news along the way. We had to have chromosomal testing, amnioscentesis testing done, etc. In my heart, I felt like all of thoses tests were unnecessary and I told Alan, but he thought we should have them done anyway. I said, "okay," because I knew he was worried. I, on the other hand, knew God was with me and my unborn baby, and I knew he would give us a healthy baby girl. And sure enough, I think God sees the faith in my heart and soul and he has provided. God is so great!!! Alan sees the faith I have, and I think it's rubbing off on him now too, which is sometimes a little hard for him to do, but he's trying. He sees what my faith has brought us and how can that be denied???
I love you Alan!!!!!!!
It took me a few years to really realize what I had, thank God Alan didn't give up on me, I'm sure I wasn't easy to deal with back then, fighting against him, even though he loved me for me and wanted only to love me, and for me to love him. That's all he wanted, and I couldn't even do that. I feel so bad at times for mistreating him, I wish I could take back all the hurt and pain I caused him, but I can't. I've apologized many times, and all I can do is hope that he truly has forgiven me. He says he has and I think he really means it.
I really wanted my marriage to work, I wanted to love Alan, but for some reason, it wasn't happening on my own. I didn't know what to do, other than to pray and to ask God for forgiveness. Forgiveness for mistreating this beautiful man, for wanting to put him aside for someone else. How could I be so stupid??? So I prayed and prayed and prayed and truly dug deep inside of me and poured my heart and soul out to God and asked him to help me, help me to love Alan, to desire him, to give him the respect, love, admiration and adoration that he deserved. I prayed for a few months, and then it started happening without me even really realizing it. I started to "see" Alan in a whole new light, I loved him more than ever, I wanted to be close to him more than ever, I wanted to stroke his hair, and reach out and touch him to show him I loved him, I told him I loved him (for no reasons many times), I wanted to make love to my husband to show him I desired him. I can't attribute ANY of those things to anyone but God. God showed me how wonderful Alan is, he put a fire in me to love Alan, he opened my eyes, really and truly opened my eyes--and I see Alan the way God sees him, not the way people (me included) saw him. He was, and is beautiful to me just as he is. I can't imagine my life without him!!!
The last time Alan and I had a real big fight, was because of me (this was when I first started feeling these things I had been feeling--the good things that I've been talking about). I said some things to him (of course there was alcohol involved), I said some things I wish I hadn't. But in the morning, I realized what I had done and I cried and cried and I told him I hadn't meant any of those things, but of course, I'm sure he was probably thinking, "yeah right, I've heard that before." I felt so bad, but once you say something, (drunk or sober) you can't take it back unfortunately, and that hurt is there, and it was all over his face, and I couldn't take it back. I told him I loved him very much and that I was sorry I had said those things, that I hadn't meant any of it (I'm not very nice when I've been drinking--and I hate that about myself). I told him that God had come into my heart and I KNEW that God was with me, that He was helping me to love him and I KNEW that God was going to give us a baby because he loved us both that much. I'm sure he thought I was crazy, and I'm sure he didn't believe a word I was saying, but I knew in my heart, that's what God's plan was going to be for us. And months and months later, it did happen, just as I told him. I knew that God was working in my heart and I knew that this baby would be a sign from Him, showing Alan and I that He was there for us, and that He was working in me, and in our marriage. It was a sign to me that this was where I was supposed to be. I haven't been that horrible wife that I used to be, thank you Lord!!! I have so much love in my heart for my husband and I feel like we're at a whole different level in our marriage, I feel like we're a team and nothing can come between us. I'm there for him, and he's there for me, no matter what. That's what it should be, it's him and I against the world, working for the betterment of our kids and our family.
Alan told me a long time ago that God brought us together, and I would always dismiss him when he said that, but I truly believe He did do this on purpose, this was His plan from the beginning and I know I've been truly blessed and God really does have us in the palms of His hands. Nothing will ever make me believe any differently.
We are now onto a new chapter of our lives thanks to God. We have a new little baby girl on the way, and all along the way I've had faith that everything was going to be fine with her, even though we had some not-so-good news along the way. We had to have chromosomal testing, amnioscentesis testing done, etc. In my heart, I felt like all of thoses tests were unnecessary and I told Alan, but he thought we should have them done anyway. I said, "okay," because I knew he was worried. I, on the other hand, knew God was with me and my unborn baby, and I knew he would give us a healthy baby girl. And sure enough, I think God sees the faith in my heart and soul and he has provided. God is so great!!! Alan sees the faith I have, and I think it's rubbing off on him now too, which is sometimes a little hard for him to do, but he's trying. He sees what my faith has brought us and how can that be denied???
I love you Alan!!!!!!!
Little Baby Christina
When you haven't been pregnant for a loooong time, you tend to forget all the things that go along with your pregnancy. The uncomfortableness (if that's a word), being tired ALOT, the heartburn, fun stuff like that. But one of the things I really love, is being able to feel my baby move inside of me. She's been moving around since about 15 weeks, that I could actually tell it was a baby, and not some other bodily function. I am now almost 29 weeks and last night when I was laying in bed, I was laying on my left side, laying with my pregnancy pillow, which has saved my sleep life, and some little body part of hers scraped the inside of my tummy. Now I've felt little bumps and kicks and scrapes, but this one literally made me kinda jump because it actually tickled me and I laughed outloud. It was so funny and it felt funny. Then you get to thinking about what she's doing, was she flipping around, was her leg pointed straight out and flipping at the same time?? Who knows. I told Alan about what happened, because I think he was already falling asleep, and he says, "you get to have all the fun." I guess I do. I get to be the closest to her already, I get to feel her when she's not ready to go to sleep when I am, I feel her little hiccups. It's truly amazing and miraculous. I love her already and I haven't even seen her or held her yet.
Won't be too much longer yet, at times though, it seems so far away.
Won't be too much longer yet, at times though, it seems so far away.
Thursday, February 11, 2010
My Baby Boy
Well OD has always been very close to me and has always liked to snuggle, hug, and kiss me. But lately he has been a lot more. I don't know if it's because of the new baby coming or because he just loves me even more! Either way, I don't mind at all. I love when he comes and sits by me and just wants to be close. He will ALWAYS, and I do mean, ALWAYS smell me. He will smell my neck, chest, and even my feet and underarms (yeah, I know), but I guess his strongest sense is his sense of smell (which is funny because he has allergies and his nose is either plugged or is runny most of the time, but it doesn't keep him from smelling me and everything else!!)
So we're sitting on the couch the other night and he's smelling really good (his hair even smelled like Dreft laundry detergent--no, he didn't use that, but he sure smelled like it.) He starts putting his hands on my thighs, like he's trying to measure around and see how big they are. He told me recently that I had big thighs, and no I wasn't offended, it was just an observation. So he says to me, while he's 'measuring,' "you have big thighs, I LIKE big thighs. Do you think I'll have big thighs like Stephen Drew?" Now for those of you who don't know who he is, he's the shortstop for the Dbacks, and we've seen him in person, and that guy is seriously built. He has huge thighs, because he's such an athlete. So I told OD that, of course, he could have big thighs too, if he eats right and works out. He lamented on this for a bit and just smiled at me with that Spongebob smile (he has a little gap in his teeth, so he looks a bit like Spongebob to me) it's adorable.
But I have to wonder, was he talking about liking girls with big thighs or just being an athlete with big thighs. Because he also talked about some woman's boobs we had seen on 'Interview With a Vampire' movie. We were going to breakfast after church one morning and out-of-the-blue, I hear this little voice come from the back of the truck that says: "I don't like skinny boobs like that girl on the movie last night." I had to think for a moment and then I asked him why he thought they were 'skinny.' He said, 'they're just skinny, I like boobs like momma's.' How funny is that?? My 10 year old is already putting into his head what type of woman he likes. He likes Mexican girls, with long hair, my skin color, big thighs, and boobs like mine. Okay, that sounds JUST LIKE ME. Ha ha ha ha!!!! Well, we'll see who he ends up bringing home. Geesh, what happened to his 10 year old -15 year old self??? It's like he's 20 already.
Boys . . . . . .
So we're sitting on the couch the other night and he's smelling really good (his hair even smelled like Dreft laundry detergent--no, he didn't use that, but he sure smelled like it.) He starts putting his hands on my thighs, like he's trying to measure around and see how big they are. He told me recently that I had big thighs, and no I wasn't offended, it was just an observation. So he says to me, while he's 'measuring,' "you have big thighs, I LIKE big thighs. Do you think I'll have big thighs like Stephen Drew?" Now for those of you who don't know who he is, he's the shortstop for the Dbacks, and we've seen him in person, and that guy is seriously built. He has huge thighs, because he's such an athlete. So I told OD that, of course, he could have big thighs too, if he eats right and works out. He lamented on this for a bit and just smiled at me with that Spongebob smile (he has a little gap in his teeth, so he looks a bit like Spongebob to me) it's adorable.
But I have to wonder, was he talking about liking girls with big thighs or just being an athlete with big thighs. Because he also talked about some woman's boobs we had seen on 'Interview With a Vampire' movie. We were going to breakfast after church one morning and out-of-the-blue, I hear this little voice come from the back of the truck that says: "I don't like skinny boobs like that girl on the movie last night." I had to think for a moment and then I asked him why he thought they were 'skinny.' He said, 'they're just skinny, I like boobs like momma's.' How funny is that?? My 10 year old is already putting into his head what type of woman he likes. He likes Mexican girls, with long hair, my skin color, big thighs, and boobs like mine. Okay, that sounds JUST LIKE ME. Ha ha ha ha!!!! Well, we'll see who he ends up bringing home. Geesh, what happened to his 10 year old -15 year old self??? It's like he's 20 already.
Boys . . . . . .
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
